One of my biggest problems was, and it was also a big part why my "sense of self" got "ruptured", that for some reason, I did not do the things I wanted to do. I always had big goals, but for some reason, I always stopped when it was just a step away. And this really, really fd me up. This is big part of why I got a panic attack and developed DP.
And after serious work on myself, I realized what was the reason behind it.
My psychopath father always saw that I am an ambitious child. I loved doing things and loved getting better and better at them. He of course wanted me to become something he can use to demonstrate himself in public, for example, he told me a lot of times to be a teacher. But I am also a kind of person who you just cant go and tell him to do something. I am not nobody's property, I am a man on my own, and I was like this for as long as I can remember. So I rebelled, and said no when he ordered me like that.
At this part, you need to know that there is only TWO reason why a psychopath / narcissist EVER talk or even pay attention to people. TWO REASON and not more
1.) Using you to support his fake, "famous", God-like persona
2.) Torture you, therefore get his supply. By making you suffer.
When clearly saw, that he will never ever be able to use me to support his fake persona by being a teacher or something like that (1.), I became a target (2.)
When psychopaths target you, they accurately learn who you are - even though they NEVER EVER say or do anything that would prove or would make you think they know you even the slightest bit - and then usingyour own personality traits against you. This is what they do because they know this is how can they cause the most pain.
So, when I said "no" to something, and I told him that I won't be a teacher, but I want to be something else, let's say a musician, he started to ACT LIKE he accepts / supports that. That's how he made me believe that he is not an enemy anymore (someone who wants me to become something else that I want), but a friend. Someone who accepts my decisions and helps me.
Now from that part, I was already lost, because I started to believe that he wants to help me. And he started to give me "advices". From this point, he 1.) knew that I trust him 2.) knew a lot of things about me, for example, that I am ambitious and tryingt to be the best. So he started to say things like: "if you want to be the best, you gotta do XY". And XY was something LOGICAL, that SOUNDED TRUE.
Like, "a real musician goes to a music school!". Imagine that situation. I felt like he is giving ADVICES. And those advices rang true. But I KNEW THAT I don't want to go to a music school, so that immediately created a feeling in me, like "since I don't go to a music school, I can't really be the best". So that took away a lot of inspiration from me. Because somehow I felt like I can't be the best.
And it changed my attitude, because from there, every next step I was taking towards a goal, did not felt like "I'm getting better and better", but felt like "I need to do this, or I am not a musician".
I hope I was clear enough.