If you grow up with a pathologic parent (I'm talking about NPDs and Psychopaths), then abuse is an inherent element of your environment. That's not your fault, not your weakness, nothing that you should feel any shame about, it is because the defect of the pathological "parent". A smart child senses that something is wrong with the parent, so therefore accommodates to it. That's a very smart thing to do. Accepting the bad situation, accommodating to the parent's abnormal behaviours, therefore creating the best possible life quality.
However, if you grow up, and don't go back (mentally speaking), and recheck your reflexes which you developed to an ABNORMALLY TOUGH childhood environment, you can be sure you'll cause yourself a lot of pain.
Some people say, to make a compromise, is a good thing. I disagree with them, but even they'd agree that making compromises with someone who intentionally wants bad to you (actively, like a Psychopath, or "passively", like a Narcissist), is definetely not a good thing.
For example, if you live with a psychopath, like I did, then you definetely learned how to make him cause the least possible frustration to you. The psychopath manipulates you, but by instinctively accommodating to the situation, you also manipulate him. That can be done by behaving in a way that makes him quiet or passive in a way that causes you the least problem.
The psychopath will never shut the fck up if he sees you feel happy. If you feel happy, relaxed and calm in a psycho's presence, you are asking for trouble.
What I developed as a child, is to behave in a way that gives him only as much supply (narcissistic supply) as he needs to go back to his room and shut up, but not a bit more. This was the best possible thing I could invent in order to live a somewhat happy life as a child.
For example, this happened in ways like, okay, you are not letting me eat some cool food an play videogames at the same time, but here it is, I am eating some less cool food or not eating at all, and pretend like I'm a victim of you, so I can play video games without you coming and fcking with me.
This type of behaviour causes probably the best possible situation in a pathologic home, but if you keep these behaviours as an adult, that'll definetely cause you trouble. Why the hell I shouldn't be eating the best possible food I can afford, and play video games at the same time? What kind of thinking is that? Why do I have to pay for something good with something bad?
These types of implicitly learned reflexes play a HUGE part in depersonalization. Because depersonalization is basically this: "I am not understanding why I am acting the way I am acting.". Or you can replace the word acting with feeling. Or behaving.
Hope I helped.
To be continued.